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Cape Town, Jerusalem
Being on the inside is a privilege that is an affliction . . .
Because our interior is always . . . occupied and interrupted by others . . . we have developed a technique of speaking through the given, expressing things obliquely and . . . so mysteriously as to puzzle even ourselves.
Often now I turn away from things,
from jubilance save that which from a quiet word may grant my moment’s wealth: a hometown’s olive orchard that shivers in dusklight, the pit-pat as fruit fall free to the ground; or the homeless manic’s quiet rage at grace when a shop-owner hands him coffee. Most of all, I walk so I may reach home and try to know myself, so I may turn to work. And turn more from the racial rage I need still in myself, as I turn from the stone’s articulate act and seek the sentence long enough to house my tribe, even as I know of neither’s existence. These are rages which won’t still, which need thought. But thought fans flames. And action in killing them kills the word. Yet in my silence there is this rage, still this rage. So I turn away from things and read, dip into books; wait thus for reports from my race, choose not speech. But sit in my silence which broods to myself myself. A self at least. And wait more thinking not of exile from – whether inside or out – but exile through; how inside the very head the tongue is exiled through itself: the tongue its own exile. And I turn more away from things, preferring solitude and work to tongue at stories from their silent insides: like an orphan who in a new house senses an old taste and quietly mulls thus a morsel that brings memory darting like a wasp in the head, then withdraws his tongue from probing. Back to the mute bed, the civilizing cradle of the jaw. |
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© Rustum Kozain From: This Carting Life Publisher: Kwela/Snailpress, Cape Town, 2005 ISBN: 9780795701986 |
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