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EASTER
In any man who utters the other’s absence
something feminine is declared.
The hours will not freeze. This morning
you leave, cross the road and are gone. Another hour passes, six more minutes. Then there is the wine from last night and the long day starting now. It all starts now. It starts with this glass of wine I pour at eleven or was it ten; your smell on my mouth on my hands all of me I do not wash for days but sit and drink myself back into the inescapable. You are in a bath somewhere I believe, somewhere I understand, somewhere in a bath I believe I can imagine and understand, deep and warm. Somewhere in this washed, colour-fast suburb, this impenetrable, unendingly quiet collection of snapshots and romance novels and dreams of another country. Somewhere for a moment you are in that bath I imagine like a god. But you are in a bath unknown to any god, or me, or to the late, lone jogger in red shorts who crosses and crosses the span of my window. And now the day slows. Perhaps your cold tap drips. Maybe you lift your leg and place your right toe at its mouth to feel its chill. Maybe in the ache of a muscle your body occupies itself with memory; maybe it remembers mine. Or now your mouth is dry with cinnamon in a sudden addiction to spiced coffee. And it remembers mine. I don’t know. I sit here and drink and all over again I cook you a meal at midnight, open a second bottle and lie next to you as if I were a woman; or I am a moth perhaps; or a river-long swathe of palmiet; or the soft lick of water against the edges of a rock pool where the rare leopard drinks; or the pied crow that with three flaps lifts, wheels, and flies off as if it was me finding finally the inescapable. Or was it the oak leaf that wakes to frost; the buzzing filament of a word; the suburb at rest after some resurrection that cannot know the infinite; a Spanish lament from a sunlit nave, the singer’s red dress a pennant waving against dark stone, blue sky? All these and also the unaccountable as for one night the existence of everything troubled no one and nothing, not you, not me; not the meniscus of wine. Here, now, in this sun-blessed room where some re-ordering begins the cosmos closing in around the space where you stood or sat or lay and air filling the emptying bottle, I sit here, drink, do not know and stare until at dusk two Egyptian geese cross my window, heading home. And my neighbours like me grow drunk and make known to all their private quarrel, looking not for any infinite but that of alcohol. He bays at her, she at him. They take it and take it. I sit here as it starts. It all starts here. Now, as I grow drunk on something else |
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© 2005, Rustum Kozain From: This Carting Life Publisher: Kwela/Snailpress, Cape Town, 2005 ISBN: 9780795701986 |
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